Mar 2002

Fun at the show - 03/01/02: Saw Paula Poundstone last night. Great show. She did over two hours. Brutally honest about her arrest and substance abuse.
New Computer Arrives - 03/06/02: I've spent the past two days moving files and setting up my new laptop. A Dell with a huge hard drive and tons of memory, and it's FAST. I've gone from a Pentium 233 to a Pentium II 450. The keyboard is taking some adjustment, but I think I'm going to like this better when I get used to it. The mouse is another story. The old laptop had one of the pencil eraser type pointer, which wasn't so great itself. This one has a pad that I drag my finger across, and mouse buttons just below it. I don't like this combination at all. It interferes with my typing and is WAY too sensitive. So now everything is in place and I can get back to work. I'm going to sit down tonight and work on one of my short stories. I'll let you know how it goes.
Creativity Day - 03/08/02: Got a ton of work done today. This new computer and I are feeling each other out. I'm slowly getting better with the mouse, and the computer is yielding some good things. It's very good at multimedia stuff. I worked on a story for a couple hours today and I'm becoming comfortable with the new machine. The keyboard allows me to type faster, which is good, but the added speed gives me less time to analyze each word or phrase, but that's what rewrites are for anyway.
Mock Cafe - 03/09/02: Odd happenings at the Mock. Got there early enough to get a good spot. By 8:30, when the list comes out, there were well over ten comedians, and this one comic tried to cut in. He was summarily chastised. With the bad vibes going on I went for a couple beers at the bar around the corner. There was a woman at the bar the kept looking at me, but I couldn't identify her expression. It was at the same time lonely and disinterested. It was obvious she wasn't interested, but at the same time she seemed disappointed that I made no attempt to talk to her.

So before the show I walked down the street to get a bottle of coke at the liquor store. The cutting in line comic was there, being a total dick to the very nice clerk. I guess some people are just assholes.

My set went OK. Got some good laughs, but I was little short on punchlines. Another great crowd. Nearly all the seats were full and they were ready to laugh. After my set I went outside to get some air. This woman from the audience came outside for a cigarette break. She was visiting from LA, and not too happy about it. She was the stereotypical LA girl, complaining about the weather, having to walk, the bad neighborhood. I kept talking to her. It took me a while to figure out why. It seems that I have become a personality junkie. In my writing I have all these character, that all need personalities. This has been a weakness for me. Now I am super-watching people. Going out of my way to spend time with extreme personalities. It's funny because when I told my wife about this woman she asked me if she was attractive. I had no answer. I was so wrapped up in observing her attitudes that I never really looked at her.
Reading and Writing - 03/14/02: At a yard sale this weekend I picked up THE OXFORD BOOK OF AMERICAN SHORT STORIES. It cost me 25 cents. It's a great book, because the stories are not that great. They are good, very good actually, but not great. Why is this great? Because I have been reading stories written by the Gods of literature. (Saul Bellow, Kurt Vonnegut, etc.) I have been judging my own stories against theirs. So now I have this book, edited by a writer that my wife has heard of, that has stories in it that I could have written. Though they are MUCH more polished than my current work. It justifies my work to me. I know I shouldn't need this justification, but I do. Most importantly this will, and in fact already has, help me keep quiet my inner censors.
Writing Session - 03/15/02: Had an interesting idea today. I realize that my writing owes a lot to my standup, so I decided it was payback time. What I did was rewrite a routine in the style of my most recent story. The weird thing is; I like it. I'm not sure how funny the audience will find it though.
Mock Cafe - 03/16/02: Good set. Has some weak spots, but it came off well. The more stylized routine, (see 3/15 entry), did better than I expected. It's the first bit I've felt any emotional attachment too in a long time. I'm excited to continue the experiment. I think an entire five minutes of the stylized stuff will flow better than the mixed bag I did last night.

I had a nice talk with a fellow comedian about writing and comedy and the real and perceived differences between the two. We also talked about writers we enjoyed. While we liked different writers, we liked them for pretty much the same reasons. Afterwards I realized that I have been a bit of a jerk, with regards to other comedians. Partly due to my competitive nature, but also partly due to my judgementalism. The two are closely related. My newly refound lust for writing led me to believe, that I had outgrown comedy. On analysis however, it has been more of a sideways move, than a forward one. The problem is that I have been comparing the ideal, or myth, or writing, with the day-to-day reality of standup comedy. Not a fair comparison. When you compare the two myth-for-myth, or reality-for-reality, comedy wins as the greater, with regards to the variety and strength of talents required. While my ego will not let me admit I don't have the talents to be a comedian, there are lifestyle requirements for being a successful comedian. It is those requirements that I am unable, or perhaps just unwilling to meet.
Commercial Shoot - 03/17/02: The weekend of epiphanies. Have you ever said to yourself something like; "I bet I could be an actor if I just had the right opportunity." Well I used to say that. No more. I'm not criticizing my performance. I feel I did a good job. I was well-suited to the role, and I gave it my all. There was nothing about this production I could complain about. Everyone on the shoot was professional and helpful and supportive. The director was patient with my difficulty recreating looks and attitudes to match earlier shots. The pace of the shooting was slow, but the attention to detail of the director and cinematographer was great. So nothing went wrong, but at the end of the day I discovered that this was not a satisfying event. I enjoyed the adventure of it. Meeting new people, learning new things. But I find that this is not something I want to do on a regular basis. I have this commercial in the bag, and think I could use it to get more acting work. But I don't want to.; Weird. It's only taken me forty years to discover what I really want to be when I grow up.
Mock Cafe - 03/23/02: Odd night for me. I got to the Mock a little past eight to find that the list was already full. "The creep has begun." Said Tom Smith. So I was third alternate. It's a rare occasion that the alternates get to go up. So I went to the Latin American Club for some people watching. It was a good night for it. Side note: I'm dressed better than usual. Was having a good time till I realized that I was the oldest person in the bar. Back at the show, many funny people performing. Then just as the open mike is ending I'm told that I can do a set. In three minutes I try to accomplish what I expected to do in the previous hour. I had a new bit that wasn't thought all the way through, so it did not so well. I need to spend more time honing the new personae.
Scary Revelations - 03/24/02: A little while ago I realized that I did not go online yesterday. (Saturday) I went an entire day without logging on. I wouldn't have thought myself capable, but then...I realized that on Friday, I did not watch television. I went an entire day with no TV. It was sitting right there and I never turned it on. What is wrong with me? Am I turning my back on technology? Or is technology turning it's back on me?
Another Rejection - 03/27/02: Got email today rejecting one of my stories. It seems the journal I submitted it to changed genres between now and then. I have this weird relationship with rejection letters. They don't bother me. I'm supposed to get all messed up and depressed, but I don't. I've already submitted the story to another journal. All those years of blank stares from audiences have toughened me up.

This rejection also had an odd side-effect. I wrote this story four months ago. At the time I thought it was OK, but really not that great. In this last month I've been reading lots of short stories, and upon re-reading this story, I realised that it's pretty good.
Mock Cafe - 03/30/02: I couldn't get a set together in my head. Started off OK, but lost them in the middle. I did a joke about putting my daughter, who's deaf and blind, on roller skates. The joke was that she used the situation to play a joke on me, but the audience heard she was deaf and blind and their asses clenched. Political Correctness must end.